Finding Happiness

One of the best ways to forget about your own problems is to focus on the problems of others. When you serve other people, you soon feel the weight of your own burdens lifted and you realize, almost despite yourself, that you are happy.

But for many of us, it’s hard to know who or how to help. At least, that’s often how it is for me. I feel like I can be a good helper, but I need someone else to tell me what to do because left on my own I probably won’t see it. I think that’s either because I’m still too absorbed in my own problems to truly see the need of another, or it’s because the ability to serve is a talent. Perhaps, it is both.

Regardless, starting at home is a wonderful opportunity for all of us to practice the art of service. At home, we can feel at ease stepping outside of ourselves and looking at the load another is carrying to gauge how we might help. Service inside the home is not a cop-out. It’s a necessary part of happy home life.

Mother serves her husband and children by seeing that everyone is fed and has clean clothes to wear. Father works hard to provide a safe home for his family. When one of these family leaders begins to think more of themselves than of the other family members, chaos reigns and love and happiness flee.

D. Lee Tobler, a leader in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (or Mormons,) wrote, “One of the major stresses on families today is that the individual—the child or the parent—sees himself or herself, rather than the family, at the center of life. Focusing on ourselves, and not on the larger vision of bringing the family together, can lead to contention” (“Homegrown Happiness,” New Era, Feb 2004, 11.) The family can only thrive when its members watch out for each other.

Service, whether in or out of the home, is a matter of heart. We have to desire it, we have to want to see another person happy. In a world that values self-preservation so much, it’s often difficult for us to look outside of ourselves and put another first. But the more you serve, the more full your heart becomes—full of love for the person you have served.

This is a gift from God, a payment if you will, for putting another before yourself. The Book of Mormon reads, “when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:17.) Such love and devotion for another of God’s children brings Him joy and blesses your own life as well.

Elder Tobler wrote, “If the family is to be eternal, the family has to be first—the highest priority.” Mormons believe that not only is the family elemental for a happy life, it is essential for a joyful eternity. Let your family be the testing ground for your new commitment to serve and to love other people more than you love yourself. In so doing, be prepared for your heart to swell, not only with an increase in love, but with happiness overflowing.

Spencer W. Kimball, former President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (or Mormons,) once said: “Marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can imagine” (“Oneness in Marriage,” Tambuli, Jun 1978, 1.) And I believe it is true.

My sister lives in humble circumstances, and has her entire married life. Yet, she is happily married. My husband and I did not get to have all the children we desired, nor do we enjoy good health, and yet, we are happy.

Far too married couples claim to be happy. It’s so common, in fact, to be unhappy that when you say you are happy in your marriage, people often look at you like you’ve sprouted horns. Yet, real, lasting happiness, is possible.

President Kimball taught that a simple formula could guarantee every couple a happy and eternal marriage. However, like all formulas, it often doesn’t work if you try to switch out the ingredients, or ignore one or two ingredients all together. You must pay careful attention to each ingredient in the formula—if you do this, you and your spouse will be happy.

First, the utmost care must be taken when choosing an eternal companion. This is not the time to give in to your hormones, or to other base desires. Make every effort to choose a companion who possesses all of those characters you deem to be most important for the long term. Think of the lifestyle you plan to lead, the children you hope to have, how you will raise them, what you expect from a future mate. All of these things and more, must be addressed and accounted for before you say “I do.”

Second, both individuals must practice great unselfishness. That “I do” you said when you got married should be the last time you think of “I.” Think of “we,” and you’ll do just fine. Think of the family, and strive to do all things for the good of the family—that is where happiness lies.

Third, saying “I do,” should not end the courting you enjoyed before you were married. Continued expressions of kindness and affection are the life blood of your marriage and absolutely necessary to keep love alive and growing.

And finally, keep the commandments of the Lord, as defined in the gospel of Jesus Christ. There can be no substitute for obedience to these commandments—they must be lived completely.

Apply these ingredients generously and continuously within your marriage and family unit. If you do this, President Kimball promised that “it is quite impossible for unhappiness to come, misunderstandings to continue, or breaks to occur.”

A happy marriage means lots of sacrifice and sharing. It means you don’t always get what you want. It means giving yourself in service to your spouse and your children. It means inviting care and worry for another to take the place of selfish cares and concerns. But life-long and eternal happiness is your reward—surely the price is not too great.

Nowadays, most of us are like Philip of New Testament, who cried “How can I [find my way], except some man should guide me?” (Acts 8:31) Though according to Joseph Smith, “Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, selected by Joseph Fielding Smith (1976), 255–56.)

How can we begin find that path that leads to happiness? Thomas S. Monson, then First Counselor in the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (or the Mormon church,) spoke on “The Hallmarks of a Happy Home” (Liahona, Oct 2001, 3,) and taught how it is the family that can lead and guide us to the path that leads to happiness in this life and in the life to come.

Mrs. Margaret Thatcher, former prime minister of Great Britain, expressed the profound philosophy: “The family is the building block of society. It is a nursery, a school, a hospital, a leisure center, a place of refuge and a place of rest. It encompasses the whole of the society. It fashions our beliefs; it is the preparation for the rest of our life” (Nicholas Wood, “Thatcher Champions the Family,” London Times, 26 May 1988.)

President Monson taught that the building blocks for a happy home include:

1. A pattern of prayer.
2. A library of learning.
3. A legacy of love.
4. A treasury of testimony.

Prayer is the single most important block upon which the other blocks must stand. President Monson said, “Family prayer is the greatest deterrent to sin, and hence the most beneficent provider of joy and happiness. The old saying is yet true: “The family that prays together stays together"."

Where there is a love of good books, there are children who learn to love the world, and all that is in it. John Howard Payne wrote:

Books are keys to wisdom’s treasure;
Books are gates to lands of pleasure;
Books are paths that upward lead;
Books are friends. Come, let us read.
(“‘Mid Pleasures and Palaces,” Hymns (1948), number 185.)

Give your children a legacy of love, by letting them see you serve one another, neighbors and friends. Don’t be worthy of Jacob’s chastisement to the people of Nephi who forgot the importance of such a loving legacy: “Ye have broken the hearts of your tender wives, and lost the confidence of your children, because of your bad examples before them; and the sobbings of their hearts ascend up to God against you” (Jacob 2:35.)

And finally, let your homes be a treasure of testimony. President David O. McKay said “The first and foremost opportunity for teaching in the Church lies in the home” (Priesthood Home Teaching Handbook, revised edition (1967), ii–iii,) and “A true Mormon home is one in which if Christ should chance to enter, he would be pleased to linger and to rest” (In Conference Report, October 1947, 120; or Gospel Ideals: Selections from the Discourses of David O. McKay (1953), 169.)

It’s not just enough that you believe in God and in His son Jesus Christ, you must be sure to teach your children. Let them hear you bearing your testimony—sharing it with them every opportunity you get. President Monson said: “A love for the Savior, a reverence for His name, and genuine respect one for another will provide a fertile seedbed for a testimony to grow.”

I testify to you that if you follow those ‘hallmarks for a happy home,’ namely, a pattern of prayer, a library of learning, a legacy of love, and a treasury of testimony, your home and the hearts of your family members will be filled with happiness and you will have found the path that leads to happiness and joy ever after.